Imagine we’re sitting at the bar in the Mos Eisley Cantina. That’s the only way to have this conversation properly. Me: You know what’s wrong with the Star Wars prequels? You: midichlorians, Hayden Christensen, CGI, worst love story ever, the entirety of Attack of the Clones, Jar Jar. Me: Yeah but you know what’s really wrong […]Read more "How it should have started"
There are no words that could adequately introduce this, the final round. We’re just going to have to grind this out. The Princess Bride vs. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back 1. The Force vs. True Love True love is the greatest thing in the world (except for a nice MLT), but the […]Read more "May Movie Madness: Finale"
This is a rant. And the disclaimer before the rant that Christ Pratt is talented and charming and seems to be an all-around decent fella. Chris, forgive me. We have got to stop calling Chris Pratt “sexy”. Thing is, folks, we can’t have it both ways. We have come so far with our treatment of women […]Read more "May Movie Madness: The Problem with Pratt"
Warrior vs. The Empire Strikes Back Despite what you just read, this isn’t about Warrior vs. The Empire Strikes Back. This is about Harrison Ford vs. Tom Hardy. Of course, that doesn’t make things any easier. Tom Hardy is the antithesis of Harrison Ford. “Antithesis” is a literary device achieved when opposites are contrasted using parallel structure. It’s also […]Read more "May Movie Madness: Round 3"
Cult classics died with the 20th century. I mean real cult classics. Not like some people think Nacho Libre is funny. I’m talking like Laberynth or NeverEnding Story, the kind of bizarre anomalies that have no business in a critical discussion but will ever be our favorites. It’s not that movies like these aren’t made anymore (or attempted at least, get […]Read more "May Movie Madness: Tell me a story"
When is the last time Hollywood came out with something successful and original? Don’t answer, just think about it. What is the last movie you can think of that was popular/critically acclaimed, and that wasn’t based on something else– not a book, not somebody’s life, not another movie? I’ll tell you the last time that happened. It […]Read more "May Movie Madness: the Future of Cinema -aka- Why We Can’t Have Nice Things"
No lights, no crowd, no arena. This isn’t about acclamation or award; it’s just about finishing on top. This isn’t about who would save the world; it’s about who would survive when it ends. This isn’t about who is the richest or best looking or most charming; it’s about who is the toughest, deadliest, bada**est mother […]Read more "May Movie Madness: Battle Royale"