Not About Love, ch. 4: Farewell, Old Friend

The following is an account of my inner monologue, accompanied by the music playing at various stages of my 10 hour, all-night drive to Arizona. Enjoy.

Mile 1: 

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Except Marshall is more imaginary in this particular instance

Road Trip!!!

Mile 50: 


Mile 100: 

The stars are looking… cold and bleak. Do dogs actually have the capacity to love?

Mile 150: 

Captain’s log, stardate 2-0-1-6. I’m entering into uncharted territory. No sentient lifeforms in sight. I must find somewhere to dock for fuel and rations, or I fear the worst…

Mile 151:

Hey look a gas station.

Mile 200: 

What does this button do… *presses button on dash* *nothing discernible happens* *continues to press button periodically, determined to discover its use*

Mile 206:

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Yes, I’m Bond in this analogy

Hey now, no need to crowd. I’ll move over.

Mile 207:

Seriously, Guy? GET OFF MY TAIL!!!!!!!!

Mile 216:



Mile 239-240: 

Dude. You have been tailgating me for 32– wait… 33 miles. I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.

Mile 290:

Ugh whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Mile 325: 

Still behind me, I see. ‘T is good. We’re in this together now, you and I. To the end, wherever that may be. To glory and to honor, surely: Fate has decreed it so. Where I lead you follow; this is how it must be. I see that now. Come with me on this journey, brother. The road ahead may be perilous. We shall surely face trials beyond our wildest imagination. But whether there be demons or monsters or death himself on the road before us, we shall gaze into the abyss, and by our fathers of old WE WILL NOT BLINK NOR BUDGE! Should we perish, we shall do so together, as friends, companions, and, yes, as brothers. Let tales of our journey be told throughout all the land. Drive on, my brother, and may your headlights ever be bright.

Mile 370: 

I know who you are. You are my guardian angel, plucked from the heart of a newborn star and sent here to guide me on this journey. Welcome, fair traveler, for your presence is much appreciated. Your headlights shining in my mirrors to keep my senses sharp, your constant presence behind to keep my mind on the path ahead, for these and more I thank you, oh benevolent stranger. Now guide me, Angel of the Road. Guide me to that highway in the sky, where we can drive free forever.

Mile 412: 

Alright Guy. I bet your name’s Garrett. You just, I dunno, drive like a Garrett, y’know? And you’ve definitely got a family. Wife and kids. Three kids actually– Alex, Sam and Riley because Garrett and Lisa (Garrett’s wife; her parents never had a solid grasp on trends and dated names. She’s got a brother named Fred short for Frederick) decided all three times to have the baby’s gender be a surprise, so they chose unisex names beforehand. Garrett wishes he could be with his family right now, but he just couldn’t refuse the promotion that came with a pay-raise and transfer. After a lot of arguing Garrett and Lisa finally settled on a two-month, long-distance arrangement, after which Lisa and the kids would move too. Garrett kept insisting he was doing it for the family and that it would be enough time to look for a house. Well, three months later Garrett has had two affairs and one drunken blackout where he still has no idea how he woke up in Mexico at a Mariachi after party. Anyway last night Garrett drank 12 shots of Tequila and started a bar fight, and after spending a day in prison he got home to find the divorce papers waiting for him with a note that just said “this is your last chance.” Now Lisa won’t pick up her phone so he’s driving through the night, determined to clean up his act and save his marriage. For her sake Garrett, I hope you do.

Mile 415:

Ok seriously Guy, there any way you can tone those headlights down, just a bit? You’re killing me.

Mile 468: 

It’s her, isn’t it. I mean, it’s Her. The woman of my dreams. My soulmate. My true love. I’ve searched far and wide, I’ve had my heart broken a dozen times but now, here on the road fate has brought Her to me. Soon we’ll both stop for gas, and across a crowded pump our eyes will meet, and the music will swell, and then it will be us, just us, only us. I’ll tell Her I loved her before I met her, and she’ll tell me to shut up and kiss her. We’ll kiss beneath the pale moonlight, our hearts beating in unison as we embrace in a moment to last a lifetime.

Mile 499:

Well, this is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I’m turning left and she’s turning right and I’ll finally get to see her face…

Mile 500:

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No, it wasn’t 50 Cent. But you get the idea.

Mile 501:

Well. That was fun. On to Mesa.


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