I, Clark Regalius Tiberius Awesomus Ellis, on this day the Twenty-First of January in the Two-Thousand and Sixteenth year of our Lord, do hereby resolve to the following:

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1. Get paid to write. I shall, within this year’s time, surpass my current station as merely a writer of words to achieve yon lofty status of professional author. So let it be resolved.

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2. Get a girlfriend. I shall, before year’s end, be party to a mutual romantic endeavor with a female in whose eyes I have found favor. So let it be resolved.



3. Get fit. I shall, whilst yet this year passes, get totes swole, bro. Like, 200-210 lbs is about right. So let it be resolved

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4. Get accepted. I shall, preparatory to the coming of the new year, obtain the acceptance of the graduate school of my choosing. Preferably in New York. So let it be resolved.



5. Get involved. I shall, ere December loom ever nearer, begin my journey into lifelong politick by engaging in local affairs. So let it be resolved.

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Thus, therefore, verily and henceforth, all those privy to this binding document are hereby bound to hold my a** accountable for these resolutions. May all who fail in this sacred duty forever be cursed with a spotty wifi connection and unskippable ads before every youtube video. Amen.

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