Dear Suddenly Very Concerned Online Politician,
I’m done. With you. I tried to reason with you about health care. I just laughed when you started talking about vaccines. But now? Done.
See, at least back then you were sincere; dead wrong, of course, but well-intended. And that’s why, in light of the recent supreme court decision legalizing gay marriage, I’m asking— no, I’m demanding that you do the world a favor and just tell us how you really feel. At least then we could have a responsible, adult conversation about life. None of this, “they’re ruining the family” or “Jesus said no” nonsense. Face it, you don’t like it because it’s icky and makes you feel weird.
Now, to be clear those two reasons are kind of right. Kind of. Yes, the nuclear family has been redefined (time will tell the consequences), and yes the whole “man and wife” doctrine is important to Christianity, but here’s the thing: you don’t actually care about any of that stuff.
Let me ask you, oh righteous and indignant Facebook Crusaders, oh ye who misquote historical figures and bible verses with an American flag in the background, when’s the last time you cared about, say, eliminating poverty? How about divorce rates or the welfare of single-parent families? What about this country’s adoption agencies, currently lacking in quality and child placement rates? What about our overabundance of sub-par schools, and the institutionalized racial discrimination therein? What I’m really asking is what about all of the problems that are ACTUALLY plaguing our families and values, not just the ones that make you feel slightly uncomfortable?
Go ahead and read those questions again, this time as angrily as I wrote them. Because unlike your passive-aggressive, “we’re not judging you, just everything you do and stand for,” I’m stepping up to the plate and calling you out. Basically, the moment we fix this country’s REAL problems so that adoption or conception by a same-sex couple— a couple, by the way, who we can be fairly certain has put time and planning and consideration into their decision to be parents because that’s the only way they can—the moment this isn’t actually one of the more stable and healthy options for kids, I will then and only then tolerate whatever arguments you can come up with as to the statistically inconclusive influence of less than 1% of the country’s married population.
Until That Time,