There are no words that could adequately introduce this, the final round. We’re just going to have to grind this out.
The Princess Bride vs. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
1. The Force vs. True Love
True love is the greatest thing in the world (except for a nice MLT), but the force binds the galaxy together. Plus love sucks so…
The Force vs.
2. Fezzik/Inigo vs. R2D2/C3PO
Never before or since has a single character had so much personality without a body and without saying a single word. R2D2 is a worldwide icon and were it simply between R2 and Fezzik/Inigo, I’d be sorely tempted to give it to R2. This, however, is a contest of longevity, and I really don’t think I could handle C3PO for the rest of forever. No, I think I’m going with the quotable and strangely cuddly combination, Fezzik and Inigo.
3. Princess Buttercup vs. Princess Leia
Just take a moment to stop and think about the sum total of everything that Buttercup does to help the good guys. The answer is nothing. Well, almost nothing— she does get her boyfriend tortured in the Pit of Despair so I guess there’s that. Meanwhile Leia’s wielding a blaster rifle.
Princess Buttercup vs. Princess Leia
4. Humperdink vs. Vader
In the words of Super Smash Bros, “NO CONTEST”
Humperdink vs. Vader
5. Peter Faulk vs. Scrolling Intro Text
I know the golden space text is iconic, and I know that a nerd need only experience the opening second of every Star Wars movie to be completely and involuntarily reduced to screaming and tears, but honestly I’d rather have Peter Faulk read me a book any day.
Peter Faulk vs.
Scrolling Intro Text
6. Wesley vs. Han Solo/Luke Skywalker
This is it. Princess Bride can go for the tie or Star Wars can take the win once and for all. Han? Space pirate. Wesley? Actual pirate. Luke? Jedi Master. Wesley? Mask-wearing sword master. Han won the princesses heart. So did Wesley. Luke lost his hand. Wesley lost his life (mostly). What I’m saying, folks, is that this one is dead even. Which means…
STAR WARS WINS!!!!
Well, folks, that was fun. Long, a bit rough at times, but fun. Which means next year will be bigger and better.