May Movie Madness: Round 2

This is getting both harder and easier as I go
This is getting both harder and easier as I go


  • The Dark Knight vs. Warrior
Do you even lift bro?
Do you even lift bro?

As I said in round 1, both The Dark Knight and Warrior tend to get me, for lack of a better phrase, freaking pumped every time I watch them. Both stories are as compelling the fifth time as they are the fiftieth (that may or may not be an accurate figure). However, Warrior wins this round for one blaring reason: The Dark Knight is frankly ridiculous. I’m not even talking about the whole “man dressed as a bat” premise— I accept all that because it’s awesome and shut up. I’m talking about things like nobody blinking an eye as a school bus drives out of a bank in broad daylight into somehow perfectly timed traffic. Or a plan that includes getting caught by a guy you already shot and didn’t know wasn’t dead but only because you didn’t get taken out by the superhero who I guess was supposed to flip your semi truck over? I know the end product is the amazingness that is Christopher Nolan’s baby, but when I have the rest of my life to only watch one movie I’m going with the one that isn’t riddled with plot holes whenever I look too closely. Warrior wins.

  • The Empire Strikes Back vs. Pirates of the Caribbean
He knows.
He knows.

Well, let me ask you. Empire Strikes Back or Pirates of the Caribbean. So you see my point.

  • The Princess Bride vs. The Sandlot
Admit it, you read it in a Spanish accent
Admit it, you read it in a Spanish accent

The Sandlot is about as flawless as a movie can get. The mood fits the setting, the cast fits the story, and there are honestly no real plot holes (if there are don’t tell me. I enjoy blissful ignorance). In contrast, The Princess Bride is riddled with nonsensicalities and frivolous deus ex machinas, and at times it’s just downright corny. But that’s Clark the critic talking, and this competition is not about critical review. When it comes to choosing the movie that I could watch a million times over, there’s just one factor here that trumps all: hey Sandlot, did you know that kids can get friggin obnoxious? Ok, that’s not the only reason; TPB also proves to be more quotable and boasts a truly unbeatable cast. It also may be the only movie in existence that might actually keep me hopeful for true love (or to bluff, whichever you prefer). In all, while I’ll be sure to watch both with my future children, The Princess Bride wins this round and moves on to the final four.

  • 500 Days of Summer vs. Moulin Rouge
Don't look at this one too long. The face gets creepier with time.
Don’t look at this one too long. The face gets creepier with time.

I didn’t decide this one by watching the movies. I simply listened to “Us” by Regina Spektor and “Nature Boy” by Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett. And that was it. That was all I needed. The simple, mystical enchantment I feel every time I watch Moulin Rouge is not only something I would never admit out loud, but also trumps the gritty realism of 500 Days of Summer for movie I could watch forever.

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