May Movie Madness: Round 1

I won’t make you wait for it. Here’s how the first round went down:

Give it a second, hear me out, THEN tear me apart.
Give it a second, hear me out, THEN tear me apart.
  • The Dark Knight vs. The Winter Soldier

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We all know that Marvel is an entire level above DC in the movie department right now (or anybody else, for that matter). And Cap 2 is one of the best from the Marvel lineup so far. Heck, I even like Chris Evans more than I like Christian Bale. But dear prudence I just cannot deny the Oscar-winning-greatest-superhero-movie-ever that is The Dark Knight! Let’s face it, it’s going to keep that title for a while. Here’s what it came down to— as awesome as The Winter Soldier was, it was also predictable. Literally, I was in the movie theater saying to myself, “the winter soldier is Bucky. Robert Redford’s a bad guy. Nick Fury’s not dead.” Now, yes, I’ve read most of the relevant comic story lines, but I’ve read Batman too; yet, The Dark Knight still kept on my toes. And here’s the thing: it STILL DOES. No matter how many times I watch it, Ledger’s Joker gives me goose bumbs and Bale’s Batman makes me want to wear a cape. So as far as lasting potential goes, The Dark Knight wins this round.

  • The Bourne Identity vs. Warrior

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As much as I love Bourne, Warrior simply has more to love. Let me paint the picture for you. The first time you watch Identity, it’s gripping and plot-twisty to the very end. The second (and subsequent every other time) you watch it, you’re just in it for some serious Bourne-v-world butt-woopin’. Which is great; it keeps me watching and it’s the reason it made the list. But Warrior. I mean, Warrrior. The first time you watch, you get the plot twists, the emotional roller-coaster, and all on top of the butt-woopin’. Then the second time you watch it you can’t decide if you forgive the dad or not, and you find yourself rooting for a different brother, and you still love the butt-woopin’. Then the THIRD time you watch it you’re once again back to your original assessment. Seriously, this move gets me EVERY time, and for that it moves on.

  • The Empire Strikes Back vs. Return of the King

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This one broke me as a person. To be frank (because I don’t think I have it in me to argue) The Empire Strikes Back wins and only because it’s more historically established. And that’s all I have to say about that.

  • The Curse of the Black Pearl vs. Raiders of the Lost Ark

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In my warped, reality-is-what-I-decide mind, Pirates is a stand-alone movie. I’ve heard rumors of some awful spin-offs that apparently got through Hollywood customs, but I refuse to even believe they exist. Why do I choose such blissful ignorance? Because Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl is an AMAZING movie. I mean, pirates vs zombie pirates. I’ll say that again. PIRATES VS. ZOMBIE PIRATES. As for Indy, while that has always been my go-to “sick day” movie, I’ve honestly never been the same since its deconstruction on The Big Bang Theory.

  • The Princess Bride vs. Rocky IV

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Remember that time Rocky Balboa won the cold war? Yeah, good times… But as much as I love the sheer ‘murica-ness of number IV, the absolute out-of-nowhere perfection that is and was The Princess Bride wins this round. It just holds up better (read: doesn’t have randomly fake robots and workout tech) over time, and after all this is a competition to see which movie I’d want to watch for the rest of forever.

  • The Sandlot vs. The Goonies

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First I watched The Sandlot. And I was all, “yeah, this one for sure.” Then I watched The Goonies. And I was all, “nah, this one for sure.” The world through the eyes of kids vs the world run by kids. Both tell the story perfectly in context and both make me wish I was 12 and naively hopeful again. However, much like the erector sets found therein, The Sandlot is honestly the better-constructed movie. I know I know, the plot-holes and campy insensitivity of The Goonies is half of what makes it lovable (the other half being the truffle shuffle), but those are also the kind of things that would get on my nerves eventually.

  • Ocean’s Eleven vs. 500 Days of Summer

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This was one match up that seemed like a no-brainer until I actually had to decide. I mean, I’ve always thought that the day I find the woman who likes Ocean’s as much as I do, that’ll be it. But there’s always been something about 500 Days of Summer. As in, it’s not a love story and I really dig that. The guy doesn’t get the girl. Instead, he gets his life together and actually is better off for having gone through and let go of the otherwise typical chick-flickian manipulative relationship. And as far as a movie is supposed to get me through forever, and taking into account that the only “forever” I can think of right now is the one where I’m single, that’s the story I relate to.

  • August Rush vs. Moulin Rouge

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This one was the easiest of the round. Man, I just love Moulin Rouge. Hate me or love me for that, I don’t care. August Rush made the list because it has always hit home in a couple ways, but I would never forgive myself if I didn’t give this one to Ewan and Nicole.

Well that’s it for round 1, folks. How’d we do?

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