May Movie Madness, The Bracket

Just as a refresher, the 16 movies in the running are The Sandlot, The Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King, Star Wars Episode IV: the Empire Strikes Back, Ocean’s Eleven, The Bourne Identity, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rocky IV, Warrior, August Rush, Captain America: Winter Soldier, The Dark Knight, 500 Days of Summer, Moulin Rouge, Pirates of Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl, and The Goonies. Remember, this is NOT a competition for my favorite movie (although many of my favorites are in there, I have several that aren’t). It’s to see which movie is the most classic— as in, which one I could watch forever, which one I would never get sick of. That said, here’s what our tournament looks like:

I haven't even eliminated anything yet, and already I feel like I'm betraying my childhood.
I haven’t even eliminated anything yet, and already I feel like I’m betraying my childhood.

As you can see I’ve separated the 16 entries into four divisions by category: In the top left we have The Hero’s Journey; in the top right we have The All-Americans; taking up our bottom left quadrant we have The Epic Sagas; and finally in the bottom right we have, um, The Rest of Them. The rules are simple: I’m pretty much gonna make it up as we go.

ROUND 1

  • Our first pairing finds the bracket’s only two superheroes immediately battling it out for supremacy. I’d like to note, for nerddom’s sake, that in a real fight Batman would win. But will his movie fair the same?
"If
If this were about female side characters, Black Widow > Rachel Dawes any day of the week.
  • For this one I have no idea who would win in a fight. And I don’t care. Everybody involved is bada** and so are the movies in which they feature.
I know how Warrior ends, but let's be real: the fight would be between Tommy and Jason
I know how Warrior ends, but let’s be real: this is between Tommy and Jason
  • Boy, I’m just a glutton for punishment, aren’t I? My two favorite movies from the two greatest trilogies in movie history. I apologize in advance.
OR somebody make a mashup where Jedi are fighting for Middle Earth!!
OR somebody make a mash-up where Jedi are fighting for Middle Earth!!
  • Both of these series have their ups and (way) downs. But these two installments are undeniably awesome. So, zombie-killing pirates or Nazi-killing archaeologists? (OR zombie pirates vs Nazi archaeologists!!)
Somehow I feel Indy would be right at home with the pirates.
Somehow I feel Indy would be right at home with the pirates.
  • I watch TPB, and I want to learn swordplay. I watch Rocky, and I want to go lift logs in Russia. I guess whichever one motivates me more?
*Stallone voice*
*Stallone voice* “Yo, Buttercup!”
  • This is really the match up I’ve been waiting for my whole life. Which preteen gang of neighborhood youths wins?
Oh, pre-pubescent Sean Astin
Oh, pre-pubescent Sean Astin
  • I know I said this wasn’t about favorites. And it isn’t. This just happens to be my favorite heist movie against my favorite chick-flick. So that’ll be fun.
If you really think about it, Ocean's is kind of a chick flick, and 500 is kind of a heist movie.
If you really think about it, Ocean’s is kind of a chick flick, and 500 is kind of a heist movie.
  • The only musical installations in the tournament, this battle might just produce the dark horse of the tourney. Underrated feel-good vs. Polarizing musical. We shall see.
I feel like I need to have an entirely separate,
I feel like I need to have an entirely separate, “best musical movie adaptations” bracket

As for the results? Stay tuned.

Just thought I'd go all the way with the nostalgia here
Just thought I’d go all the way with the nostalgia here

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