Don’t cry over spilled milk

There are over 7 billion people in the world, maybe a tenth of which could ever qualify to be my close friends. Thing is, I will only ever meet (at most) 100,000 in my lifetime, which means I could only ever know about 10,000 people with whom I could have a real friendship. But of course I won’t form 10,000 real friendships; in fact, I’ll probably only have 10 to 20 truly close friends throughout my life. And out of those I plan to only marry one. So in this growing world of 7 billion people who are, every day, struggling against time and biology itself to form and keep connections across continents, I eventually have to find the one— just 1 of 7,125,000,000— with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. Which means that every day until then I have to look at those 7 billion people— 100 thousand of which I’ll ever meet and 10 thousand of which even qualify and 20 of which are even in the running— I have to look at those people and ask, who doesn’t make the cut?

Her name is Carly (no that’s not her real name but I’ve got to call her something). And you know what? She is great. I mean, she is really great. She’s fun, she’s intelligent, she’s tall, and in another life we were probably childhood friends grown up into lifelong lovers. Unfortuna

tely this is this life, and in this life we met on Tinder, and in this life we don’t have a history of emotional connection, and in this life I just don’t feel a spark.

Why not? Well, this is the part I struggle with. I consider myself a fairly eloquent person, yet whenever it comes to describing why or why not I’m attracted to somebody I find myself reduced to all the most cringe-worthy clichés. All I can say is that I just don’t feel it. I enjoy my time with her well enough, but as far as romantic flame goes it’s just not there. We’d be friends at most and that is simply not what I’m looking for. Only now do I see the two-edge sword that is Tinder. Meet attractive people near you, it says, charging nothing. No consequences, no strings attached. Sounds like the perfect setup.

I spilled some milk the other day. You know what happens when you spill milk? Nothing. Nobody cries over spilled milk. People aren’t milk. There’s no such thing as no consequences with people. Oh well, I guess I’ll just go swipe right a few more times.

Not making a comparison, just the reference. And whoever gets it wins.
Not making a comparison, just the reference. And whoever gets it wins.

10 thoughts on “Don’t cry over spilled milk

  1. The hardships of online dating.
    I know what you mean about not being able to articulate reasons for not liking/being in love with someone. The way I see it, you either feel it or you don’t. No need to bring logic or justifications into it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A friend once passed down a great piece of advice: the way you feel about someone, chances are they feel the same way about you. I’ve found this to be true most of the time. And dating, especially online dating, means having to tell a lot of people “sorry, but this isn’t right.” And having most of them go, “Okay, thanks.” And then some of them turn into friends. (The other ones might text you with craziness until you consider blocking them and/or calling the police, but it’s just part of the process.) And remember that your River is out there somewhere. Just keep looking 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  3. So I met my very handsome husband online thanks to us both being socially awkward nerds, and let me tell you, that “spark” you don’t feel is super important to have. I went on a lot of dates where that wasn’t a thing that existed or would ever exist, but with my dear hubby it was pretty obviously present. Then it was just a matter of figuring out if our personalities went amazingly together or not, which is super fun. The spark/biology is super helpful in a lot of situations, so just keep on dating, sir! I personally quit online dating off and on many times and stuck to people I met in normal, every day situations. Strongly recommend it. Especially after super awkward dates that you are sure would make a funny story but in the moment cause such an intense panic attack that hiding in a hole seems like a good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.. ** Margaret Wolfe Hungerford**
    If you do not feel that “scintillation” for that person, than do not settle. You can always remain friends.
    Settling only makes your expectations less..
    There is a right person for everyone, sometimes it just takes time and patience.
    I believe also, that when you are not looking, that’s when cupid comes flying in your direction.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not necessarily, everybody has statuesque, sometimes you have to sit back and see, but the question’s will be—- Are you willing to sit back and see it? Are you willing to let love come to you and not amble away?

        Liked by 1 person

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